April Sixth

I was cleaning up after dinner this evening when my oldest said, “Thank you for everything you did today.” This wasn’t an unusual statement because he is a polite boy and often thanks me for the littlest thing, but I was curious as to what he was thanking me for today because it was, er, rough.

Rough in that it was the first real day of school, but at home.  And it wasn’t easy. For me. It wasn’t easy for me. I’ve never wanted to be a teacher and I wasn’t exactly teaching, but there was a lot of organizing and structuring that needed to be done. Because four boys, in four different grades, at three different schools. There were 6 hours of Google Hangouts between them today and that’s all I’ll say.

Anyway. “What did I do today that you are thanking me for?” I asked.

“I know you were stressed out and you kept your shit together. Thank you.”

There are 4,450 confirmed cases in Ohio and 142 deaths. There are 367,004 confirmed cases and 10,871 deaths in the US. There has been a Stay at Home order since March 22nd and we are now being encouraged to wear masks that cover our nose and mouth when out in public.

I’m drained right now. There’s more I want to say but I am tired.

 

April Second

today is hard.

i have days that seem normal. like on the weekends when Doc is home and it seems like everything is right with the world.

but it’s not. and it’s terrifying. every night i dream that something contained has been let loose and it is trying to kill me and the boys. it is usually an animal, like two nights ago i was on a beach with Michael and there were tigers that escaped a wooden crate and were snarling and lunging at Michael and I. in my dreams i am always trying to grab the boys and run but i am looking ahead and i can’t tell if i’ve got a hold on them. i wake up sweating and then i toss and turn all night. we did just watch the Tiger King on netflix, so maybe that is why this dream had tigers.

i am writing because i want to record what is going on as we live it. we live in ohio. today there are 2,902 confirmed cases and 81 deaths in our state. there are 240,421 cases and 5,808 deaths in the US (worldometers).

April First

On this day

Life is both wonderful and awful

My boys have not been to school since March 12th

And I don’t know when they are going back

I woke up on March 13th, turned on the news, and cried before I even got out of bed

I have done the same thing every day since then

I have left the house only to grocery shop and walk the dog

I know people who have lost loved ones

And I am both afraid and almost certain

That I will be one of those people who loses someone

Or worse

But I laughed today

So hard

I laughed so hard

While on the phone with a coworker

Whom I also call my Work Sister

The kind of laugh where my cheeks hurt

And I might have pulled the muscles in my stomach

And I told her that I hadn’t laughed that hard

Since I don’t know when

And she said “I’ve missed that laugh.”

 

Four

Four boys keep you busy, well four of anything I think would keep you busy, I feel like I have been in and out of a cloud of fog these past 2 years or so and it is starting to lift and I am starting to feel human again somewhat and not a baby-making wet-nurse nose-wiping diaper-changing butt-wiping housekeeper chef taxi-driver caretaker personal shopper, well you get the drift, all rolled into one and life is starting to get easier or maybe it’s not and I shouldn’t have said anything like I am looking up recipes again! and I haven’t done that in YEARS seriously recipes? who has the time for that certainly not me these past 2 years but I am becoming adventurous and finding recipes to cook something different I tell ya’ other than things I can cook with one eye closed because that is how I have been functioning since I was pregnant with Michael who is 2 now! 2! can you believe it because I certainly can not and now here I sit at the computer with some time to myself, holy shit, time to myself, while the little guy plays with some Legos and I thought to myself, well let’s take a peek at my blog because it has been so long and I got all nervous and overwhelmed and maybe a little sweaty and excited because I was once so invested in this and I basically one day just kicked it to the curb and now I have this time and well, I thought I would see how it’s doing and it’s still here and alive and kickin’ so maybe, just maybe I can come back and check on it once in awhile without feeling obligated because I am just now starting to think about it and how much I have missed it. Phew.

Rusty

Eek, it’s been a little while.

I can’t believe I was still able to log in.

The layout is entirely different.

Will I remember how to do this?

Do I have time to do this?

Do I want to do this?

I’m so rusty. I’m so boring.

Will they want me back?

Afro Baby

Don’t think I don’t think about you.  I do.  Often.

I’ve just been busy…

 

And then came baby…

I am madly in love.

Meet Michael.

Thanks……………………But no thanks.

A couple of weeks ago, my mother-in-law called.

I was folding laundry in the living room when I heard the phone ring.  I looked at the caller ID and saw it was her, then I glanced at the time on the clock.  It was 4:30.

I hadn’t talked to her in over a year, but I answered the phone anyway.

I could tell right away.  She was drunk.

She had heard I was pregnant and wanted to congratulate me, us.

I interrupted her slurred, cigarette-puffing, sloppy speech and told her that meant nothing coming from her.  Don’t you get it?  Well, let me explain it to you one final time.  We don’t have a relationship with you because you are a drunk.  Yet you call here, drunk.  Don’t call our home again until you are sober.  Then I hung up.

When it comes to her, my children were dealt a pretty shitty grandma hand.

Bumps

I got dressed today.

In real clothes.

I have been wearing yoga pants and sweatshirts every day, for oooh, months now.

But I have to go somewhere important tonite.

And, my gosh, I look pregnant!

And Chesty tends to get in the way these days, don’t mind her.

Deja Vu

What are the chances?

What are the chances, that days after blogging about the first incident, it would happen again?

What are the chances that my 5-year-old son would be lost by his school’s transportation, again?

If you were a risk taker and put all your money on us,

you’d be a winner.

Nic’s ok.  Again.

Everything turned out fine.  Again.

But I am completely disgusted with the incompetence and neglect by our school district’s department of transportation.

Stay tuned…just because he doesn’t ride the bus anymore doesn’t mean it’s over.